


I Know I Said My Job Sucked (but this is ridiculous)

by bfketh



Series: Ereri Week 2015 [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Humor, M/M, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-03
Updated: 2015-06-03
Packaged: 2018-04-02 12:03:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4059304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bfketh/pseuds/bfketh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rule #1: Never piss off a Fairy Godmother</p><p>Rule #2: Never get a job working for the guy voted most likely to ignore Rule #1</p><p>Or how Eren ended up spending a year transformed into a vacuum cleaner.</p><p>(This is all <a href="http://picklestpickle.tumblr.com/">picklestpickle's</a> fault.)</p><p>(Ereri Week 2015, Day 2 - Summer Job)</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Know I Said My Job Sucked (but this is ridiculous)

"Oh, looks like the castle is hiring extra staff for the summer balls," his mother had said. "It'll be good for you," she said.

"You can save money for the next semester of college," his father had chimed in.

No one had mentioned that Prince Jean was an arrogant _jerk_ who would manage to insult a Fairy Godmother before the first ball of the season was even halfway over and end up getting himself and _the entire castle staff cursed thank you so fucking much you now-literal Horseface._

As could be expected, horse hooves aren't very useful for signing checks, and neighing into the phone doesn’t quite convey that you are undergoing magical hardship and can’t access your funds.

How the creditors had managed to get past the wall of thorns that had sprung up around the castle, Eren would never know.

Unfortunately, it hadn’t been a rescue for Eren. It turned out, vacuums had even more difficulty communicating than horses. Ever since the curse had hit, he hadn’t been able to speak or move on his own. He supposed he should be thankful that he was still able to see and hear what was going on around him. In the back of his mind - or whatever - he could hear Armin talking about the soul becoming slightly detached during complete transformations, to prevent the person transformed from going insane if the shape was maintained for long periods of time. He’d always used to tune his friend out when he’d started talking about whatever magical theory he was currently studying that was way over Eren’s head. Now he wished he’d paid more attention - maybe then he’d be able to somehow signal to the burly man carrying him that he was, in fact, a person.

But he couldn’t, and so Eren had found himself loaded into the back of a van with a bunch of other household items that may or may not have once been his fellow coworkers. As the doors shut, he’d caught sight of the tail end of a palomino vanishing into the distance. Eren would have sighed if he’d been able to; he hoped the idiot wouldn’t end up getting hit by a truck or something - if only because Eren wasn’t sure if Jean’s death would break the curse or if it would only trap him as an appliance forever.

And that was how Eren had ended up sitting in a second-hand shop for _months_ , until the weather turned cold and snow started falling. He worried about his parents, knowing they in turn must be worried sick about him, and wondered if he’d ever be able to go back to college. As Christmas decorations started to go up in the street fronting the shop, Eren found himself falling into a deep funk.

It was then that a tall brunette entered the store and leaned down to peer closely at Eren for several minutes before calling the owner over.

**~~~~~**

Levi stared at the birthday-slash-Christmas gift from Hange that he'd just unwrapped. "You got me a vacuum. When I already had one."

"One that's as old as you are and that you're constantly complaining about, yes."

Levi sighed and bent down to examine it, reading the text printed near the base. "'Eren.' I've never heard of that brand."

"Oh, I'm sure it's fine. Just try it. If it's not better than your old one, I'll take it back and exchange it for a parrot or something. Maybe a phoenix"

Levi's eyes widened in horror as he looked at his friend. "That  _really_ won't be necessary." He gave the vacuum one last look. "Thank you. It's thoughtful of you."

**~~~~~**

The new vacuum sat in Levi's laundry room, unused, for exactly three days.

Levi was attempting to clean up the needles shed by the now departed Christmas tree that Isabel had insisted he get. The key word was  _attempting_.

"You goddamned constipated piece of shit," Levi snarled as he ran his old vacuum over the same pine needle for what felt like the thousandth time. Finally, he gave up and pulled out the new one. He ran it up the swatch of carpet and was pleased to see a completely clean trail left in its wake. He hummed to himself and set about getting the rest of his living room in order. He finished in half the time it normally took, and he patted the vacuum's handle as he set it back in the corner of the laundry room. "Well, Eren, I think we're going to get along just fine."

By the end of the week, he'd tried out every attachment that came with the new vacuum, and he'd given his old one to Hange to take apart for spare parts or whatever the hell they wanted to do with it. He'd briefly considered donating it to Goodwill, but that had seemed like too cruel a prank to play on some unsuspecting family.

For the next several months, Levi felt incredibly content. His job was going well, his friends were being minimally annoying, and his house had never been cleaner.

So of course, it all came to a crashing halt one warm June evening.

Literally.

Levi had just walked in the front door and loosened his tie after a long day at work when he heard a bang followed by a clatter coming from his laundry room. He froze for a moment before sprinting through the house with a curse, thinking that someone was trying to break in.

It turned out he was wrong.

The someone was already  _in_ his house. Levi stopped in the doorway, gaze locked on the blue-green eyes of the man cowering in the corner. The stranger swallowed heavily and pressed himself even closer to the wall. The movement broke their eye contact, and Levi looked down briefly.

He immediately looked back up, because the only thing protecting the stranger's decency was the hand towel that he must have snatched from the hook next to the utility sink.

Damn, Levi had liked that towel. It was part of a set his mother had embroidered for him as a housewarming gift. Now he was probably going to have to burn it.

He slowly pulled out his cell phone, watching the stranger for any sudden movements. "You have five minutes to get the fuck outta my house before I call the cops."

"N-no, wait!" The man started to put his hand out in a pleading gesture, but then he snatched it beck to grab the slipping corner on the towel. "I know this looks bad, but there's a reasonable - okay, maybe not that reasonable - explanation. I'm Eren."

"Eren?"

"Yes!"

"Like, my vacuum, Eren?"

He nodded vigorously. "Yes, that's me! I am - was - the vacuum."

"Right." Levi's eyes flicked over to where his vacuum usually stood, to see it was missing. Well, he could find it later. "Forget the police, I'm calling the paramedics."

"Please don't!" Eren pleaded. "I'm not crazy, and I'm not on anything. Your name is Levi Ackerman, and you have a step-sister named Isabel. Her boyfriend is Farlan, and you always have them and your mother over here for dinner every Sunday. You watch a lot of movies, but not a lot of TV, you hum Madonna songs while you're cleaning, and when you have a lot of paperwork, you're always cursing some guy you call Shitwin."

"Okay..." Levi slipped his phone back into his pocket. "Either you're telling the truth, or you're some psychotic, obsessive stalker. Whichever it is, I have  _got_ to hear this explanation."

"It's, uh, it's kind of a long story." Eren looked down, and his face flushed. It suddenly occurred to Levi that his unexpected guest was incredibly cute. And incredibly naked. The incredibly naked part must have come to Eren's attention as well, because he kept his gaze averted from Levi and asked, "Could I borrow some clothes first? And maybe use your shower?"

**~~~~~**

Eren's family had been overjoyed when he'd borrowed Levi's phone to call them. But after three days of being home, he found himself staring up at his familiar ceiling from his bed as he wondered what Levi was doing.

Eren huffed to himself and rolled over. Levi had his own life to lead, and, even though Eren had spent several months getting to know the man, it wasn't like Eren was anything other than a stranger to Levi. He'd probably never even see him again, so-

"Eren!" He could hear his mother's voice call out down the hall. "Telephone!"

"Coming!" He heaved himself out of bed with a sigh and went into the kitchen, taking the receiver from Carla. "Hello?"

There was a long silence, almost long enough to make Eren hang up in annoyance, but then a throat cleared on the other end of the line before a familiar voice spoke. "Uh, hi. Sorry to call your house, but I still had this number saved on my phone, um..." The voice trailed off, and Eren thought he could here a muffled female voice in the background followed with, "Shut up, Iz, I'm doing it!"

"...Levi?"

"Ah, sorry. Anyway, I called because I have to go buy a new vacuum today."

"Okay...?" Eren was confused, wondering where Levi was going with this.

"And well, since it's kinda  _your_ fault, I was wondering if you'd go with me to pick it out, and maybe...stop for lunch or something after." The last part was said so quietly and quickly that Eren wasn't sure he'd heard it right.

"Levi, are you... Did you just ask me out on a date?"

"What? No... It's not... I just..." There was a heavy sigh. "Look, I just feel weird that you know almost everything about me and I know almost nothing about you."

"So...you're saying you want to get to know me better?"

"...Yes? I guess."

"Like a date."

"This is NOT a date!"

**~~~~~**

After their not-date, Levi finally mustered up the courage to ask Eren out on an actual date, which he accepted, much to Levi's surprise. Even more surprising, is that he kept agreeing to go out with Levi. He may have lost a vacuum, but he'd gained a boyfriend out of it, and it really wasn't a bad trade. Still, he was going to miss the suction power of that vacuum.

...Or maybe not.

"Fuck,  _Eren_..." Levi tightened his fingers in Eren's hair and gave him a warning tug, but Eren ignored him, seemingly intent on sucking his soul out through his dick. When he plunged down to Levi's base and swallowed around him, Levi would just about swear he'd succeeded, too. His back arched clean off the bed as he came down Eren's throat, and Eren greedily drank down every last drop. _  
_

Levi collapsed to the bed, chest heaving for air and eyes tightly closed. He felt Eren's weight shift, and soft lips pressed against his stomach, chest, and neck as Eren moved up beside him. Levi opened his eyes a crack to see Eren peering down at him, his own eyes filled with warmth and a little bit of concern, as well as a touch of self-satisfied pride. "You okay?"

"Mmm." Levi reached up and pulled Eren down to him for a deep kiss, ignoring the taste of his own come in Eren's mouth. He could feel Eren's erection pressing into his hip, and he'd take care of that in a moment, but right now he just wanted to bask in the pleasant haze he was floating in. He brushed his fingers through Eren's thick chestnut hair. "You know, I was wondering why, of all the things you could have been turned into, you ended up as a vacuum."

"Oh?"

"Mmhm." Levi trailed his fingers down the nape of Eren's neck, just to feel him shiver against him. "Mystery fuckin' solved."


End file.
